Enormous Gratitude

I have so many things to be thankful for these days. My life is so full of blessings. What could have been my darkest hour has become one of my best. I am thankful for my life and for everything that has ever happened to me.

On Monday, November 5th, I finally got some pain relief for the herniated disc in my lower back. I had not had a single waking hour of pain relief (except the times I could lie motionless and flat on my back) since the pain started suddenly on October 13. After starting the new medicine on Monday, I woke up at 3 AM the next morning feeling that something big had changed in my back. Incredibly the pain was significantly reduced, almost like someone had released a giant vice that had been crushing my spine. It was truly like a literal weight had been lifted. I never had such a feeling of relief in my life. When I look back at the kidney surgery of April, that seems now like a pin prick in comparison to the back pain. I never realized how much I could tolerate until now. This sort of event can really increase your tolerance for hardship.

The past month has been such an eye-opener for me, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am not angry or sad about my herniated disc. I think it is a real blessing in disguise and has made me a better person in terms of feeling more compassion for the suffering of others, discovering I had some serious health issues that were hidden and needed to be addressed, and most of all realizing how many good people I have the honor to know in my life. I am surrounded by the best family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors I could ever have imagined. I have an amazing husband who has shown he will do anything for me "in sickness and in health."

I don't want to forget this moment in my life. I don't want to go back to taking anyone for granted, or taking any moment, good or bad, for granted. I don't want this feeling of gratitude to diminish or disappear. Everything that happens in life can be a lesson for learning and improving one's self. Everything must happen for a reason, but we need to be open to seeing the meaning everywhere, even in the tiniest detail. If we could only see the good in every event, rather than jumping to conclusions of victimhood, hopelessness, despair, or bad luck. I wish the whole world could find this realization, this doorway to joy.

Thank you, God, for everyone in my life. Thank you for every moment fully lived and breathed, and for opening so many new doors recently. I hope I can keep learning and growing. I hope I do not squander this opportunity. I am awash in gratitude and love. Bless the world. Realize deep inside yourself that you exist, that you live. Feel it as if you only just discovered this truth for yourself for the first time. Become numinous!